come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
