My first STD was from a foam party
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
