That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
