I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
