omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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