Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
