we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
