My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
