The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
high people should be assigned attendants
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
