take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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