it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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