Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
