I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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