When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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