Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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