you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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