we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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