by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
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Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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