i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
