I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
im on a boat
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