Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I lost the right to judge tonight
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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