Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
