u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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