I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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