The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
