hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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