the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
