Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize