we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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