Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
