Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
