debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
