You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
