I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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