On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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