I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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