My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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