cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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