Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
