you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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