U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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