best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
