I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
