I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Couch. On fire.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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