You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
