Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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