why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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