After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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