I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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