So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
