first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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