she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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