Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
