You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize