Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
