That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
