So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
