HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
