I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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